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A Parenting Reflection
by B. Bryan Post PhD, LCSW
(NC)-Here's a Parenting Reflection to consider: Parenting is not about controlling our children through consequences and directives. These are fear-based parenting techniques that teach our children to be reactive out of fear. Parenting is about influencing our children through love and understanding. This teaches our children to respond out of love. Thus, true control comes through loving influence.
Being strong means being fully present with another person, especially with our children. Personal power comes from getting outside of ourselves and allowing ourselves to be fully attuned and fully emotionally connected. We need to shift our interpretation to understand that are children are not abusing us - it is not about us. It is not a personal attack, no matter what words or actions they use against us. It is about a child deep in pain - pain that is beyond our understanding in many cases. If we were in that much pain, we would be acting exactly the same way, against the people closest to us.
So, I encourage you to press through the feelings of being abused to see it from the level of pain within your child. When you can meet him at that level, you will be the most powerful parent on this planet. Jesus and Martin Luther King both had that personal power, the power to offer love in the face of inhumane abuse. It was a power based in complete faith of something greater. Both Jesus and Martin Luther King were known for accepting the painful position that if a man is to strike you on one side, it is the other side you should offer in return. How much more would they offer a child? You are a strong parent. Your strength lies within your heart, not within your pocket.
B. Bryan Post, PhD, LCSW is the co-founder of Beyond Consequences Institute www.beyondconsequences.com.
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