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Dealing with a Spouse and Relative: I need to Vent! very badly!


Forums > Dealing with a Spouse and Relative > I need to Vent! very badly! (19 messages)

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JosephHarley
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 2:43pm
I need to Vent! very badly!
We are suppose to get married In nov. Well I booked the reception hall last friday.. It was fairly priced but I didnt read the fine print where it says you must use there catering servise.. well fine by me i guess but the prices was outrages.. well I tell ryan this and he freaks out on me.. he wants pizza in his wedding always has.. doesnt want a dance an blah.. well he just now tells me this.. I needed to get things booked cause nov is coming soon! well he has been hinting to me that he doesnt want to get married.. its to much and sh!t.. to much money to much work.. well i just thought of it as man saying it cause it is a lot of work.. well we were just fighting and I told him to marry me because he wants to not because he feels he has to.. he just looked at me and I asked him if he even wanted to get married and he said "i dont know" I dont know? If you dont know why did you put this ring on my finger!
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srparker
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 2:48pm
ummm~~~wow girl~i would think twice b/4 you get married!! it sounds like hes having 2nd thoughts! but pizza????!!come on!
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JosephHarley
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 2:52pm
I know! i thought the same about the pizza thing but its something he has wanted for awhile.. whatever Ill go with that.. cause Im getting everything else i wanted.. but for him to say that? my bridesmaids already bought there dresses.. no returns.. sooo looks like He, yes He will be refunding them
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StarNThaW0rkZ
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:00pm
all i got to say is i wouldnt do it after he said that!
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StarNThaW0rkZ
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:01pm
cause a divorce isnt cheep or easy either, lol!
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CJnPKsMom
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:02pm
Wow, why do you still want to marry a man who is unsure about marrying you?

I'd call it off and make him re-pay everyone and everything. Serves him right, lol!

It'll save yourself the chances and troubles of divorce later on.

Good luck with whatever route you choose!!
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JosephHarley
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:03pm
I know.. I really dont know what to do now.. I mean everyone knows we are getting married and Ill have to go tell them this.. I dont even want to be with him if thats how hes going to be.. we have been together for 5 1/2 years.. two kids.. he put the ring on my finger in 2005.. told me this last feb to get everything planned and tell him when and where and hell be there..well I tried to included him as much as possiable but he wont tell me anything.. and He waits til the last possiable min to do everything.. it should be a clue since he hasnt asked anyone to stand up for him yet huh?
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amandale
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:25pm
oh girl I am sorry, I think it would be a good idea to at least postpone things... did you probe deeper to see why he is so unsure? I mean if you have already been together that long I don't know why he wouldn't want to....That would have really upset me too....

sorry hon hope you two can find a solution xoxo
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JoleneMomOf4
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:26pm
OH wow I am so sorry to hear this! Men can be really ignorant some times! Once you both cool down a bit I'd sit down with him in a calm matter, maybe over dinner and have a chat with him! Ask him what he "really" wants! Maybe he's just getting nervous now that all the plans are actually taking place?! Don't rush into a marriage though that might not last long, make sure this is what you both really want! It is not easy or cheap to get a divorce and so much BS goes down with it! If you need to talk I'm here and you know that! HUGS
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BabyRoman
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:26pm
A wedding only lasts one day! But then you will be with him the rest of your life (if he chooses). CANCEL IT! BUT, I feel so bad for you. You are sooo young. Some day you will find the right one. After what he said, even if he apologizes, I still wouldn't marry him.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for this & I wish you good luck on your future.
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Mariya
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:29pm
Melissa, does he still want to be with you without marying you, or he wants to quit all thing?
You have children together, right?
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peewa
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 3:57pm
an i don't know to me would be a no, but i would talk to him about it because maybe it may be that he just doesn't want to have a wedding. It's stressful planning a wedding and being up there in front of all those people. Have a conversation with him.
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JosephHarley
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 4:40pm
ok I talked to him.. He said the reason he said that was because he isnt getting anything his way.. Im making it My wedding and Not his.. Well I told him what do You expect when He says just to plan everything and say when and where and hell be there.. He said its not that he doesnt want to marry me he just dont like the wedding idea.. So i dont know!
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all4taylor
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 4:52pm
Just get married at justice of the peace with the kids and maybe a couple other people, and throw a big huge reception party with pizza and drinks!!! Sounds like he doesn't like all the hoop-la... You can always dress up in your gown and everything for the party, as if you had just got married...including you girls with there dresses.
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BuggaBoo
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 5:44pm
Smack him upside the head and say "Too dang bad".. lol I'm just kidding.

I'm sorry you have to go through that. What a reaction "I don't know" I hate that phrase! Gets you no where right!

Maybe he's just getting nervous because November is right around the corner. Cold feet?

Hope everything turns out for the best!
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sweet-a-kins
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 6:42pm
Justice of the peace
I did the JOP thing with only my mom and is mom. I never wanted the whole wedding thing, I wouldnt have minded it but didnt really want it.

If you can compromise with him, that would be great, he has to give a little too.

Remember, its the great marriage thats important, not necessarily the great one day wedding!

were celebrating 10 years in January!!
Hope things get better
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Cutiepants
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 6:49pm
sounds like he just has cold feet by saying that. is he a good guy and do you know he loves you? If he does just get him pizza delivered and let him be happy. haha
My "hubby" always said "set it all up and i'll show up" guys just don't always care. we've been together almost 13 years now and still no wedding. It's not his "thing" but i KNOW he isn't going anywhere. sucks a little bit not to have a wedding but i might cave into the JOP but i really don't want to. We just can't afford much!
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SonShine
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 6:54pm
You know what? Men can't handle stress of planning a big party like this. I've been doing brides hair for 30 years and believe me... I can count on one hand the couple who were NOT fighting before the wedding!! Seriously, you both have short fuses and worries and then there is the expense of the wedding... It's totally normal to want to smack each other up aside the head! LOL

I think years and years ago it was what ever the bride wanted and the groom just showed up. Her parents were paying for it so he better just be glad she is happy and leave it alone! lOL I am halfway kidding... but... you can see that most men don't want a lot of hoopla!
Also years and years ago, men wanted sex and they would marry that woman on a trampoline if that's what it took to get her to bed! Well... that's obviously not the case nowadays!
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sweet-a-kins
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Sun, Sep 07, 2008 6:55pm
LOL, SONSHINE
O so true!!

tempers do flare!!
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